There's something about me, that just loves dancing. I've been dancing since I was little, well I used to freestyle it obviously, but then I became a dancer. I used to go to dancing clubs, because I wanted to please my family. I really loved attention and loved when people looked at me, so attending dancing clubs was a start for me. Apparently, I was the best dancer in my class, not flexible or anything but just knew the rhythm and the beats to every song and I could kill it. However, I stopped attending to my dancing classes for a few reasons. One of the reasons is pretty embarrassing for me to talk about, but me being me I'm going to be brave and just let it all out. Obviously, back in my country it was popular to have a fringe (if that's how you spell it) and I love fringes but hell to the nah, it looked ugly on my long ass face. When there was a party, all of the students from my school came to the party and it was my dancing group's turn to go on stage. Our dance was about happy rain and involved a lot of jumping. As I was dancing, I looked down. I shouldn't have. My 'friends' and my crush were laughing at my fringe, because as I jumped my fringe jumped up and down too. When I think about it now, I laugh because if I had this attitude that I have now, I would've showed them my middle finger and kept on dancing... I cried instead. So after that, I quit dancing and found myself some new friends :)
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You are important. Of course we all have someone we love or like, but you must come first. It's not selfish to love yourself or disrespectful if you make your own choices and decisions. Don't let anyone bother you or disrespect your rights, even if it ends up in fighting don't let it happen to you. Just know that at the end of the day you were just trying to show yourself some respect and that you can fight for yourself, for your body. We all have a future that we don't know of yet, and that's what excites me the most. We are all looking towards the future; to finally be an adult, to finally leave the house, to finally have your own responsibilities and bigger life decisions, and that's the whole thing about the blog. YOU. Trust me, you should be important to yourself like you are to the Nature.
This was really short, it's because I'm doing some fanfiction on Wattpad but I'm gonna stay anonymous for now at least, lol. ps; I don't know if I've said this yet, but from the next blog that's coming up next Tuesday, I will start writing blogs as if I'm your friend and we are talking about what's happening in my life. Gonna be interesting. If you want me to not do that and continue with my "metaphorical" blogs, just tell me through the comments or go to the 'Contact Me' page. Love you, Gabi :) x Everyone has been in a position where they feel like their life is falling apart, and if you haven't been in one it might happen in the future because we are all humans. I'm the type of person to always cry over any bad situation I get myself in, with my heart shaking and beating 3x faster than it normally does and get anxiety with physical pain; belly ache and head ache. I've cried out so many times that my eyes would go so red as if I poured some spicy seasonings on them. Now, I've come to the point where people just started hating on me for literally no reason at all, but what I'm mostly surprised about is that I haven't let a single drop out of my eyes. No matter how badly my throat hurt from keeping it in, I just feel like I've cried way too much since 2017 has started and I started joking about no more tears left. Before, I used to like when people saw me crying, they would know I'm sensitive and that they shouldn't make me upset, but as the time flies by you learn yourself that people can go evil and at the end of the day, each person will look at themselves first than anyone else. I've started running and hiding from people whenever I start shaking and I want to cry, because if you show people that you are weak, they will make themselves look big. The truth is, we are all equal. Just like the equals sign. So if you feel like someone is more powerful than you, trust me they are not. You have the same strength everybody else has and I'm not talking physically like punching or kicking hell no, I'm talking about emotionally and self love, nothing can beat that even if it feels like it's useless. So rather than eating yourself with thoughts, do something that will keep you off your mind for a little bit. (Personal tip; food and books)
Sorry for not updating for weeks, as you can tell by now I've had a really rough 2017 and I don't even know what's coming next. I will start uploading weekly. Kindness to the world, Gabi :) x It's hard looking at something that reminds you of someone, someone who you really loved. Or it could be the opposite. A single photograph shows you the truth, even if it tells you lies. Because, what we think or say doesn't really matter, but our actions do. Even if you tell someone you hate them with all of your heart, but you're looking at them all the time, trying to make them look at you or even to make them talk to you, is the truth. You care. You don't hate. Whenever you look at a photograph, you only see what the creator wants you to see, you don't see the truth, because you are not the photograph's creator. You are your own creator. So this is my point, people don't see what you're thinking, this is why I said it doesn't really matter even though it really does to ourselves. People only see our actions, so if you want them to think that you like them, act like you like them. If you want people to think you hate them, show that you hate them.
I don't know if I made any sense through all of the sentences, but I hope you understand. <3 Everyone has their own ghost house with differently colour wallpapers. Ghost house doesn't mean something hair-raising or spooky, it means a house of the past, but not fully forgotten. Just like a ghost, someone that has died, but not fully gone. In your ghost house, you have rooms and in each room there are your memories. Huge house then isn't it? That's why it isn't a Ghost Book. Ghost House has memories in which I wouldn't exchange for anything, because it is proof that I've made it this far by myself and people who have helped me to become who I am today. And even sometimes I look back and say to myself "Why did I even cry?" or "Shouldn't of started talking to her...", but honestly I am proud of the house that I have built. I'm using my imagination to explain to people that what is gone, is gone but it can never be forgotten. It's okay if your house is dark, because at the end of your house there is a garden, and in the garden the butterflies live.
About three weeks ago, I had a massive opportunity to go away for a week with some students and two teachers to The Hurst. The first day was really exciting, because everyone got to see their own rooms and unpack, and I loved how I had to take my own responsibility for a lot of things. We also had sessions every single day with two tutors, Musa and Mary (if I've spelt their names correctly) and they were the most kindest and funniest people I've met which really made me smile a lot. Before coming on this trip, I had a little hope of getting better at writing poems and using my skills to write a descriptive text, but I thought it would be impossible for me to change my skills this quick in a week. I was wrong. The trip helped me so much with my writing I'm actually so proud of myself, seriously. I've written poems, a short story, communicated with people around me, I've cooked and also played football (it was so fun). It is great how I also got close to a few people that I've never spoken before, it really helped me to become motivated and energetic, because of their positive mindset. The view is amazing! It is perfect for writing alone and literally focusing yourself, because if you look out the window, you wouldn't lose your focus and that was the best bit for when I was writing alone. I did go for a run with my friends in the morning, which is surprising because I normally don't wake up early, but my friend Alexandra forced me to...every single morning. Overall, I feel so lucky that I went on it, it has been the best opportunity that I have been given in 2017, which helped me a lot to control my mind and splash out my ideas on a piece of paper and be proud of them. I have also added some photographs in the My Photography > Travel.
Why is my mind so empty right now? I'm literally thinking nothing. Black and white. Wait, I'm saying black and white to describe how simple and boring my mind is, but wait. The colour black can either represent death or elegance. And the colour white can either represent goodness or innocence. Does that automatically tell me that boringness (if there's even a word like this) is made out of evil and pureness? You know what? I'm writing this at 23:22 and I have my exams all week, so I'm just gonna go to sleep :)))))))
I'm so sorry my mind is just empty at this moment. Quiet days and nights. I don't know what to do or where to go or what to feel. I don't know how to react to certain things or see things the way others see, and that makes me feel alone. I haven't met all humans in this world, and I probably won't (even if I want to). It's like I'm walking on a misty street with no sound of a singing bird or a running cat through the leaves. Whenever I'm standing in school in a line, or sitting on a bench at break time, I escape from there. I'm in New York. I'm in Australia. And not anywhere near a beach or a jungle. But on an abandoned street. Just a street. I tell myself that I can't be the only one thinking this way, so why am I the only one on that street?! And everything that I just wrote is what comes to my mind non stop. But at the end of the day before closing my eyes, I tell myself that it's okay and everything will be okay. I'll be able to escape that place in my mind one day by distracting myself from thinking about it, and if you feel the same way, we are not alone and we will find a way <3
ps. I don't mean to make my blogs sound depressing, I'll try to make them more cheerful and merry. :) You know who I am. And if it's you, then this is for you. You know my story word to word and you know the people who took my happiness away. I just really want you to understand that I need you in my life. You're the one that makes me laugh and smile when I'm not feeling like it. If you leave me I don't know what I would do. And I'm living my life, but I want you in it. I want the goals to be completed and visit Hawaii. Please don't leave me. Please understand me. I know that I'm a crybaby, and I'm stubborn sometimes and yes I'm really annoying, but I have feelings and sometimes I'm scared of the world. You're the kindest and funniest person I've met and I'm learning from you. I'm following your footsteps, and I just want to be peaceful with you. I know I was quiet and different in May, and now I'm the loudest granny elephant on Earth that doesn't stop eating. Please, don't leave me in this cold, dark and friendless world, I need warmth. Your warmth.
Yes. When I was little I thought I was a princess. I mean, most girls felt like that as well, but I was just over the top. I thought I was Cinderella. Before I came to the world, I was expected to be born as a boy. Not as planned, I turned out to be a girl, and my mom had already brought everything blue (there's nothing wrong with girls wearing blue, or boys wearing pink). This could explain why my favourite colour was blue, even before I knew about the being born as a boy situation. Cinderella was my favourite Disney princess, because she wore a blue dress...yep. I remember wearing Cinderella's costume when I was little and wearing them higheels with glitter that has this flexible texture. Couldn't walk in them and I still can't. I used to sing songs near my window, and the funniest thing was, whenever it was summer (It's really hot in summer in Lithuania), I used to sing songs for winter to come back, and whenever it was winter, I used to sing songs for summer to come back. I didn't have a logic sense, but that was the time I was developing it. I used to act like a princess, talk like a posh person and even walk on tiptoes pretending I was wearing heels. Until I got bored. I found out about the old computers and played barbie/car games...Still do....
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